So, I got a spanking last night, for not having done the work for my internship that I was supposed to do yesterday. S has gotten pretty strict lately.
I'm not complaining about that. I mean, maybe I should, because, my butt's a little sore today. But, really, I think I've finally gotten to that point where I'm not breaking rules just to see what she'll do. Mostly, I know what she'll do--spank my butt, and if I break the rule again, spank my butt a lot harder/longer.
I've even cried a couple times most recently when she spanked me, and I pretty much NEVER cry. And I can't even explain what goes on in my head that makes me cry, I just know it happens most often when she isn't speaking to me like she's angry, but just...really lovingly, and like she just wants to help me be better. It touches something inside of me, that I can't describe.
I don't know if I'll be able to stay in that place, where I don't have to push just to push. I sorta doubt it.
But it's the first time I've ever gotten here. And I like it. I feel safe. I feel like...I can actually start working on what I need to work on, instead of just...focusing on the discipline, and whether or not she's going to give it.
The bamboo stick thing stings. I don't like it. And her HAND hurts my butt...a lot.
But I feel pretty good today.
4 comments:
glad things are working well right now. that's a good place to be, for both of you. i sometimes stay in the place where i feel secure for quite a while.
Good to know. Cause...yeah, I'd like to stay in this place for awhile. I'm just saying, it'd be nice.
I'm really, really happy for you that you're feeling safe and settled. I think it's important to remember this moment, and keep it in mind when things start to feel unsure again, you know?
[Methinks I should try taking my own advice... hmm...]
Indeed. But yeah, I'm liking it for the moment. And I WILL try to remember it.
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